We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
