so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize