You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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