it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize