Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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