Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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