i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
