I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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