I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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