$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Drake has all the answers
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
