her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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