no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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