it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize