next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
