she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
