Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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