I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
