Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
