im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i was born a porn star she said
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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