Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
