I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
