the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize