i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
