thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
