I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
