wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
