dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize