with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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