I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
