When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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