Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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