he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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