jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
