so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
