Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
