Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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