You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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