Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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