that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize