I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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