Pants 0. Shit 1.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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