God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she peed on how many people?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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