Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
