I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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