so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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