Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
