Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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