It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Randomize