My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
