ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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