My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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