Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
