He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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