Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
