Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
