You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
