Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
