Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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