***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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