You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
