So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
