I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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