A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
