I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
