I wish I could teleport
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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