Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
