I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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