Can Purell be used as lube?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
