i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
