Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
