I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
