Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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