It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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