do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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