Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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