I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
