i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
