sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
