Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
