He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
