At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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