BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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