Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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