It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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