I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
