At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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