I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
