Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
