I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
