I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
