you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
