During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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