We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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