when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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