I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
