it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize