I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
