My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
