omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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