Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
