Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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