I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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