is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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