If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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