so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
