just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So many bounce houses so little time
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
