I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
