the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize