I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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