im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
