Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
