it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
