she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
