it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
