Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
its not stalking. its research.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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