do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
