My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
